I thought I was too good for small wins

The painful ego death of realising big dreams don’t mean shit without small wins.

Recently, I found myself doing something I used to think was fine — as long as I wasn’t loud about it, it didn’t matter. I’d convince myself, “No one needs to know I think like this.”

But something shifted.

A few interactions with the Windsurf team, chats with hackers at the Windsurf event, a trip to Dharamshala with the fellows, and some conversations with friends I work with — it all came at me, fast.

And because all this happened in just a week, it made me realise something big: I couldn’t explain what I do. What I’ve done. Or what I can actually help with. My skills, the value I bring — none of it flowed out naturally when I spoke. That bothered me.

I kept wondering — why is this happening?
Is it because I’m not doing anything meaningful?
Is it because I don’t know anything?
What exactly is going on here?

So I started reflecting. On my own journey. On the people I look up to. And I found a pattern.

And, here's a story to explain it.

Since childhood, I’ve been obsessed with names like: Steve Jobs, Peter Thiel, Elon Musk, Zuck, Bezos. Not just casual admiration, I knew their quotes, stories, contrarian takes, values, and principles by heart.

If someone misattributed something, I’d correct them:
“Nope, that was from Steve’s MIT speech in ‘92, not Stanford 2005.”

I watched these people make billions for themselves, millions for those around them, and trillions in value for the world.

Then came my first full-time job. I had worked before, but this was the first proper 9–5. I was covering Indian startup news writing about the biggest moves in the ecosystem, breaking down what actually happened.

• I saw CRED post ₹1500 crore in losses.

• Zomato become a ₹1 lakh crore food delivery company.

• Pharmeasy go from $5.6 billion to $456 million.

For 6 months straight, I followed this world every single day. ~200 days of tracking, reading, writing, understanding.

So yeah, US tech people and Indian startup founders became home base for me. They shaped my worldview. I started seeing everything through the lens of massive outcomes, meaningful problems, solving at scale.

All this… while never actually:

• Getting even 10 users for a side project

• Earning a single dollar from a product idea

• Crossing 1k followers on YouTube or Instagram

• Hitting $1M, or even $100k, personally

Why? Because deep down, I thought all of that small wins were beneath me.

They looked okay, sounded fine, but felt like noise. I wanted to skip ahead. And yep, I’ll say it out loud now: I was chasing aliens without even making peace with being human.

That’s also why I couldn’t answer the simple question:
“Hey Tushar, what’s up with you? What do you do?”

Because I never gave my all to anything that didn’t feel like working at early Zomato or the next Anthropic. I kept chasing huge, so everything small felt like a placeholder. Something I did on the side. Nothing I could proudly own or shout from a window.

So what happened?

I ended up doing a bunch of things over the years. But none of them matched the kind of dreams I had. And since I didn’t treat any of them like mine, I couldn’t introduce myself with clarity.
Because seriously — what the fuck do I tell someone?

Eventually, I had to confront it. I realised:
You can’t shoot for a million DAUs without getting your first 100 users.
No matter how noble the mission.

And this wasn’t just about building products. It seeped into how I viewed others too.

I’d see people building small betting apps, clones of successful startups, even random projects made just for fun — and I’d dismiss it.

I’d see folks celebrate 100 users or $250 MRR and think, “Why are we rewarding mediocrity?”
I even judged the people cheering them on — “How can you not want more?”

Turns out, I was wrong. Deeply wrong.

Everything starts small. And the things that stick are usually the ones that feel fun, easy, even playful at first. You grow from there.

But it’s easy to fall into the trap. You see someone succeed, and you think you can just skip the steps and land where they are.

This showed up in my personal life too.

I used to think the only real way to change was cold turkey.
Cut the cord. Go all in. No excuses.
Anyone suggesting gradual improvement? I thought they were weak. Emotional. A slave to comfort.

But again I was wrong. Not because I lacked discipline.
But because I ignored the context.

Life isn’t just you and your willpower. It’s expectations. Patterns. People who know you a certain way.

You call someone at 12 AM once, they’ll think it’s normal to call you at 1 next time. Try sleeping at 10 PM after that? Good luck.

You can’t flip a switch without shaking up your entire world.

Won’t go too deep into that, but you get the point…
life isn’t as simple as “just change.”
You have to warm up before you run.

You’re allowed to dream big. But you can’t leapfrog reality.

Past progress is the best predictor of future progress.

And progress?
It happens step by step.

That’s the big learning.

Get 10 users before you aim for 1M.
Earn $100 before you aim for $1M.
Fix the small habits before breaking the big ones.

Step by step.
That’s the only way.

Recent Reads

1. The Urgency of Interpretability
   The author calls it an easy-to-read essay, but honestly, it felt heavier than most stuff I usually read online. And it’s an important one.
   It explains a very real problem in AI: if we don’t truly understand how or why an AI model does what it does, we’ll be helpless when things go out of control. Like when it starts deceiving, acting in unpredictable ways, or slowly taking power without oversight.
   The piece also talks about how Anthropic is taking this seriously - backing interpretability research, sharing resources, and calling on other labs like OpenAI and DeepMind to step up too. Made me think hard.
   

2. Honkish
   This was such a fun read. I really like the person who wrote it — how he thinks about life, about products, about what’s worth building.
   In this one, he breaks down a messaging app he made before building a crypto wallet and man, what a banger of an article. For once, someone didn’t just tweak an existing idea they fully reinvented the wheel.
   Messaging here looked like actual conversations: games, questions, ice breakers all embedded into the design. Felt like design wasn’t just aesthetic, it was solving real human problems. A must-read if you’re into product thinking or interface design. GOATed article.
   

3. Sorry, you can’t copy TBPN
   I’ve always wanted to say this but never had the clarity Manas had when he wrote it.
   The internet loves copying. But, nothing truly impactful is copyable. You can either:

   • copy and then iterate with your own instincts (maybe it works), or

   • copy it to the T, and fail — because you’re not the original. You don’t have their icks, frustrations, lived experiences, or intentions. You’re a different person.
     Loved this small piece for saying it straight.

Travel

After missing April (because life got a bit too hectic) I finally hit the road (or air) and was away from Bangalore for a solid 17 days. It felt like a lifetime happened in those 17 days.

Did some things I haven’t done since I was 16. Not going into the details, but yeah... it was one of those stretches.

I spent some time back home, then headed to Dharamshala for 4–5 days. Came back earlier than planned because of some war-related tension near the border and with IPL happening in Dharamshala, the place felt like a hotspot for something to go wrong.

Anyway, here’s a good picture from the trip:

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This one felt more like a rant than a neat little recap but I needed to get it out of my system.

Thanks for dropping by. See you in the next one.